Guy Winch, a family psychologist who has been helping couples for more than 20 years, thinks that happiness and satisfaction in a relationship depend on three key factors. More than that, these factors are not instinctual and require learning and preparation. The skills must be developed which takes a lot of practice. Winch’s colleagues also talk about other habits which help couples stay satisfied with their relationships for many years.
We decided to tell you about these skills and habits. And at the end of the article, there is a bonus about emotional hygiene. According to psychologists, it just as important as brushing your teeth every day.
Compassion is the ability to imagine yourself in someone else’s shoes and give them some feedback: support them or comfort them, be sad or happy together.
After you’ve lived a few years with someone, you might think that you know each other very well. However, this can be an obstacle in your way of developing empathy for each other in the relationship.
In order to avoid this mistake, practice your compassion. Try putting yourself in someone else’s place. Close your eyes, and, taking the person’s character and the circumstances they are in into account, try to imagine how they must be feeling. Forget about your opinion of the problem, try to understand the other person’s emotions. This will allow you show empathy which is so important for a happy and healthy relationship.
2. Emotional understanding
Of course, during an argument, very few people ever say: “You have the right to feel this way, and I understand that.” It seems that saying that may only make things worse, but it won’t. These words can have a miraculous effect. Your partner will realize that you understand their feelings and even though you are upset, you accept the way they are feeling. This realization leads to feeling relieved and forgetting about the negative emotions.
3. Attention and politeness
Of course, attention and politeness can’t fix this type of situation if you made someone suffer. But if the situation is not that bad yet, don’t discount this tactic.
And this is the worst thing you can do. This approach will most likely lead to frequent arguments and breaking up. To avoid this, you should make important decisions taking your partner’s opinion into account. Because these decisions will likely influence your and your partner’s life.
Don’t speculate in any situation, just ask your partner directly about what they really meant.
7. Not taking each other for granted
To make sure that both partners are satisfied with a relationship, they need to work on it, learn to talk, learn to solve problems, and make compromises. Don’t take your partner’s words or actions for granted. Then, your partner will do the same for you.
Don’t think that your partner is responsible for this. You are the architect of your happiness. Just remember that.
Be wiser. Discuss the problems in your relationship with your partner, don’t talk about the flaws that both of you have during a heated argument, but only when you are calm. In this case, the chances that you will be happy together for a long time are much higher.
Bonus: emotional hygiene
Rumination is thinking about the same things over and over again. Like when you fail something or get rejected in a relationship, you keep thinking about it for a long time.
Winch thinks that every time you start thinking about negative things that happened, you should deliberately find something positive to think about. After a few minutes pass, you will be thinking about good things and this will become a habit over time.
And what do you think are the key factors to a happy and healthy relationship?